Disillusioned one speaks...

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Strange how one can live an entire lifetime in illusion. Illusion of belief. Illusion of self. Illusion of relationships. Illusion of the entire existence.
And yet when the mist of illusion gives way to the dazzling light of reality we are too dazed to believe that sunshine has shone upon us. The hangover then leads to shocking revelation unacceptable by the disillusioned psyche.

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If emotions are like colors then Relationships are like paintings where we fill right colors at the right place and get a masterpiece !

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to be cont...

story so far...

{ whosoever reads this : don't even dare to ask why i have written this ....or condemn it by saying it doesn rhyme well ; i just had to write something after painfully long time ...so take it as it is }

i try to stay calm
i try to stay happy
nothing satisfies my sorrow
nothing saves my soul

i laugh ....& i laugh until there's no scope to cry

i cry ....& cry & still i cry

happiness is lapidated
prosperity is dilapidated
life is unsuited
love is uncomprehended
& i ?
i am thankfully disenchanted

i hate this brain
this brain that becomes a curse
i hate being my own enemy

hope i am dead & ready to be born
face this world head strong

a chuckle ... a cackle ...& a tear to end it all ...

THE therapeutic tag !

Firstly my apologies for giving my response so late ( god !! am damn sure next time , if at all ( whose chances are negligible to nill ) anybody tags me ; the person will leave a gap of century before he comes next to view the results :P )

The prime reason why i was avoiding this was my ingrained , mostly unreasonable inhibitions.But then let me just start ....

[ Statutory Notice : This article has been written under the influence of present state of mind
( considering it a radical entity) . Kindly reserve your snickering , disbelief or just plain amusement for the forthcoming write up :) ]

10 things i miss in my life right now :

1.i miss my sensibility
2. i miss my school so so very much
3. i miss those carefree days of childhood
4.the morning assemblies & yes not to forget the bloopers associated with them (:p)
5.i miss going to painting competitions : it was the best part of my life
6.i miss mom's constant nagging for everything wrong with me
7.i miss my brother's innocence ( how i wish he never grew up!.. )
8.those clothes that don't fit me anymore :(... ( when will i stop gaining weight :p )
9.miss " healthy" screen of my cell phone ...( people who've seen it know what I'm talking about )
10. & yes how could i forget this , i miss studies so very much ever since i came to USBT :p [ gaurav sir will get what i mean :) ]

10 things i want to achieve within a decade :

1. Step into the design industry ( how ? let the time tell :) ... )
2. Know how to drive a car safely on Delhi roads & yes own any of the Volkswagen model
3. Wear a kimono , traditional way & make Japanese green tea
4. learn to cook decent edible food for humans :p
5. Make sense of what to do with Biotechnology degree in hand
6. walk in the waters of corals
7. swim in the river full of piranhas ( first i'll have to learn swimming for that )
8. go on a pilgrimage called " world tour " ( will try me best to see everything that i did on discovery channel , i have started making my list already :)... )
9. For once try my hand at glassware shaping in a Finnish glassware factory & dolphin training in Bahamas .
10. & yes what's there in writing ..." A memorable date with Richard Gere :p "

now who do i tag ...lemme see ... nikhil , anu , ranjhani &... subbu ji ap bhi likh do to acha hoga :)

i feel elated to open my account for this year finally ( a post for the year 2008 :) )
hope u don't take that much time as i did ...happy blogging people !

Creation

I banged against a video on you tube recently which silently speaks to heart, mind & soul of the viewer summing up the following totality :

Imagination
+ Visualization
+ Formation
+ Transformation
+ Infusing life
-------------
CREATION
--------------
felt like sharing it with people who like to fritter away time by going through "n" number of blogs in free ( mostly not free also ) time.

NO WORDS .......JUST WATCH it, FEEL it & SMILE IN DEEP AFFIRMATION ! :)

into the real world --- ...---...

FINALLY ........!!!
Here's a random thought that i had written a while ago but couldn't get a chance to fair it up .Doing that bit for the sake of putting something on this barren blog .So here it goes ...

The intellectuals seem to be living in two contrasting worlds broadly ;
One in which they perceive the outer world as it comes & act (un)wisely accordingly .
The other materialistically non existent yet grandiosely visionary .
An undeclared , deeply understood , subtle yet vehement WAR of Ideas & idealism is perennially on , sheathed under the veil of dreamy eyes .
People vying for ' That ' ultimate unworldly recognition which would give them the title of one of those " elite class " is No average man's play indeed .

can't think of anything else to write ahead hence will conclude this tiny write up with " ....... " :)

Modesty Ablaze ..........!!!

Modesty : The quality of being humble ...

Considering the experiences that i let myself have for the past few days i couldn't help but sit to ponder over this sensitive word... so lightly said yet so hardly handled .

There seems to be a finely drawn delicate line between being courteous out of modesty & courteous out of self appraisal .
Going through the latter experience .......yes indeed at times you can't help but get carried away knowingly . In this case probably using the term carried away is not justified , its more so like yielding to the enticing admirations in the most elegant manner & stepping into the second category with panache .
Yes ...it does become scaringly difficult to come back to your original self when the integrity of modest soul is challenged while you indifferently evade its writhing after bashing it up with "unwise" reactions .
There's ought to be a perfect harmony between heart & mind and by saying all this i don't mean to give a lecture on spirituality or personality development or even self introspection for that matter ( although its the usual product of writer's fit thing & you are already experiencing the torture of going through this for past few seconds [:p]......)

what needs to be clearly expressed here is that deep down inside ' Heart Speaks under the veil of silence '...speaks meekly yet strongly .
This statement ( yes, you might be thinking this girl is practicing plagiarism by being inspired from coehlo's work , but then read on ...) comes out of utter urge to let out deeply suppressed feelings with beautiful reasoning for pretentious actions .

So people don't set your modesty ablaze ,
preserve it
pamper it
if looked after , its your best embellishment
if ignored , its your deepest resentment...

The Clandestine Radicals

The first impression that the reader might develop after she/he reaches the end of the post would be "this girl is a crazy psychoanalyst on the verge of being admitted to a mental asylum " & i assure you your unmistakable judgment .
Anyways go on reading...

Have you ever felt wanting for more & more knowledge but the only roadblock is the daunting task of reading between those two flaps of the fascinating yet choking thing called books ?
Have you ever slept (literally) after reading the first two lines of a book you really wanted to read ?
Have you ever felt unworldly dignified enmity for your course material ?
Have you ever felt what's gone wrong with you when the terrifying sight of entire species of student community busy devouring books before exams doesn't stir you ?

IF the answer to even one of the aforesaid questions is a " yes " then ' Congratulations ! '; you have been diagnosed with and given the august title of THE CLANDESTINE RADICALS dwelling in their esoteric reclusion .
Broadly speaking the guild of students can be classified into 3 basic types , namely :
1.MAGGU'S
2.LESSER MAGGU'S
3.NON-MAGGU'S

MAGGU'S :They sit on the front seat of the center most row. They note down each & every punctuation mark in the prof 's lecture . They declare a war if asked for their prized possessions aka files+assignments+notes. They would commit suicide if their near most contender achieves the envied feat of gaining an extra half a mark . They form the butt of all class jokes . They shamelessly never hesitate to blurt out the cliché " yar kuch nai padha maine to ...". They never miss a chance to impress & overpower the poor teaching fraternity.

LESSER MAGGU'S : They are the intermediate types in all respects. Be it their seating arrangement during the lecture , their intensity to gorge on books in exam season (studying 15 days before endsems & 3 days before midsems ) ; making short hand ,crisp, self legible notes . Overall speaking they live in harmony with the classmates and the teachers by sharing their "prized"possessions with the class & asking genuine questions from the professors .

NON MAGGU'S : Totally "mast maula" type. Studying isn't their cup of tea . Exam time is greeted with " settings " done with people sitting right in front & behind ( only if they are willing ) else their only tiresome effort towards earning passing marks comes handy ; the meticulously designed pieces of artworks labeled ' farre , parchi , chits ...' . They form the 'spicy ' lot of the class ;not to forget their classic encounters with classmates , teachers or other unmentionable people round the campus .

While there occurs a constant selective transfusion of traits from one category people to the other , the class remains overall a balanced entity .

Here comes the outclass ; Totally lost yet focussed , Totally uninterested yet engrossed , Totally dumb( at times ) yet the cleverest students forming the Clandestine Radicals aspect of the now complete college classroom .

while the range of activity can be calculated for the previous 3 types , the radicals range is from minus to plus infinity .

THE RADICALS if never woken up might perish in the fire of self imposed & society inflicted notorious anonymity while on the other hand have the utmost potential to unleash their astounding perfection & leave the completely dumbfound academic guild gasping for breath .

So all those people with a " YES " ; its time to come out & rise above and show the world your true worth !!!